well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
