Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
