after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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