I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
