I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
