just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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