There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I did not marry a roomba.
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