i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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