Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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