So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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