so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
