he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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