I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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