..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
