He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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