lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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