He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
