just tell him i said nine months
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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