tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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