I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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