you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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