someone threw a dead crab at me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
