i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
