Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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