Ketchup is God's man juice
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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