First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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