Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
