I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
