And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I wish I only lived at night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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