Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
