So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
PANTIES FOUND
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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