We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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