i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
