Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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