I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
someone owes me an orgasm
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
