he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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