i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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