i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
