If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
