sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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