just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
