I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize