Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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