At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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