the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You pole danced in your parka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
