I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
