Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
