yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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