Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
