is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
