Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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