I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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