We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
