something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
