Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
