Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
