waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just want nice things and good sex
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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