Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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