gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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