dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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