everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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